Thursday, July 3, 2014

Fitness Friday - Dear Bathroom Scale...

Dear Bathroom Scale, 

I'm sorry, but it's just not working out between us. We've been together for years, I know. But, it's time for me to move on. I feel like there's this incredible weight between us. I think you feel it, too. It's not you. It's me. 

Ok...I'll be honest. It IS you. I always feel like our conversations are so heavy. Really, you should lighten up a little. You probably don't even realize you're doing it, but lately every time we are together, you make me feel bad about myself. Well, not really bad, but certainly not good. I just get so frustrated, because I'm trying and trying to better our relationship, but you just don't seem to want to change. I guess it wasn't always that way. I do remember better times. Years ago. But that was then. 

I guess I started noticing something was wrong in our relationship about a year and a half ago, after I started going to the gym. Since then, you just really have nothing encouraging to say to me. I mean, I do cardio. I do calisthenics. I lift weights. I run, for goodness sakes. And still, you can't be even a little supportive? I'm not asking for something spectacular all at once. I know you. But a little something nice every week or so would be great. 

This is how it has to be. I'm moving on. I'm setting goals that have nothing to do with you. For instance, I plan on running (not run/walking) three miles by the end of July. I'm going to do pull-ups. I currently cannot do one pull-up, but I'm working on that every day, so I'll be doing five in a row soon. Yesterday, I did a wall sit for two minutes. I'm going for three minutes by the end of next week. As I reach each of these goals, I'll set another one in its place. In doing so, I'll increase muscle mass, and I'll tighten and tone all the jiggly parts. And, I'll feel great - physically and emotionally. I'll be better for it, and I won't have to listen to your negative vibes. 

Do I want to keep running back to you week after week? Yes, of course I do. But I realize it's not healthy for me. So, you can stay right there in the bathroom where you've been. That's fine. Just don't expect me to associate with you while I'm in there. No. We can't just be friends. 


PS - stop harassing my friends, too! 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Holiday List - July 2014

July 2014
1 - US Postage Stamp Day
2 - I Forgot Day / Made in the USA Day
3 - Compliment Your Mirror Day
5 - International Cherry Pit Spitting Day
6 - International Kissing Day
7 - Tell the Truth Day 
8 - Video Games Day
11 - Cheer Up the Lonely Day / Slurpee Day
12 - Paper Bag Day
13 - Gruntled Workers Day
14 - International Nude Day
15 - Cow Appreciation Day
16 - National Corn Fritters Day
18 - National Caviar Day
19 - Stick Out Your Tongue Day
21 - National Junk Food Day
22 - Casual Pi Day (22/7)
23 - Hot Enough For Ya Day / Gorgeous Grandma Day
24 - Tell an Old Joke Day / National Tequila Day
25 - National Talk in an Elevator Day
26 - National Day of the Cowboy
27 - Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day / Walk on Stilts Day
28 - National Milk Chocolate Day
29 - National Chicken Wing Day
31 - Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day

 Aaaand, here is the disclaimer. As I've said before, I do not make up these holidays. These are all real holidays, celebrated somewhere in the world (mostly the US, and when at all possible, Texas - I like to keep it local). Some days have more than one holiday - I am aware of this, and I have chosen the one I like best. It was my idea to post the holidays for you, so I get to pick. Mainly though, because, which would you rather celebrate, World Choral Day or Pretend to Be a Time Traveler Day (Dec 8)? Sure, about three of you said World Choral Day because you have really nice singing voices and like to sing in public (sorry). The rest of us will be acting like we just showed up from the future and are looking for a flux capacitor. What I mean to say is, if you don't like the holiday, just wait until the next day - I'm sure it will be better suited for you.