Dear Bathroom Scale,
I'm sorry, but it's just not working out between us. We've been together for years, I know. But, it's time for me to move on. I feel like there's this incredible weight between us. I think you feel it, too. It's not you. It's me.
Ok...I'll be honest. It IS you. I always feel like our conversations are so heavy. Really, you should lighten up a little. You probably don't even realize you're doing it, but lately every time we are together, you make me feel bad about myself. Well, not really bad, but certainly not good. I just get so frustrated, because I'm trying and trying to better our relationship, but you just don't seem to want to change. I guess it wasn't always that way. I do remember better times. Years ago. But that was then.
I guess I started noticing something was wrong in our relationship about a year and a half ago, after I started going to the gym. Since then, you just really have nothing encouraging to say to me. I mean, I do cardio. I do calisthenics. I lift weights. I run, for goodness sakes. And still, you can't be even a little supportive? I'm not asking for something spectacular all at once. I know you. But a little something nice every week or so would be great.
This is how it has to be. I'm moving on. I'm setting goals that have nothing to do with you. For instance, I plan on running (not run/walking) three miles by the end of July. I'm going to do pull-ups. I currently cannot do one pull-up, but I'm working on that every day, so I'll be doing five in a row soon. Yesterday, I did a wall sit for two minutes. I'm going for three minutes by the end of next week. As I reach each of these goals, I'll set another one in its place. In doing so, I'll increase muscle mass, and I'll tighten and tone all the jiggly parts. And, I'll feel great - physically and emotionally. I'll be better for it, and I won't have to listen to your negative vibes.
Do I want to keep running back to you week after week? Yes, of course I do. But I realize it's not healthy for me. So, you can stay right there in the bathroom where you've been. That's fine. Just don't expect me to associate with you while I'm in there. No. We can't just be friends.
PS - stop harassing my friends, too!
I have been estranged from my scales for some months now. Mine is a pathological liar. You may need to consider the possibility that yours has a little trouble with the truth as well. These days, I only listen to my pants, who might say I am stressing the relationship, and I suppose that could be true. Yes, I'd have to admit it is true. Pants don't lie.