But, Oh! What He DID Do!

"Great men show politeness in a particular way; 

a smile suffices to assure you that you are welcome, 

and keep about their avocations as if you were a member of the family."

 - John James Audubon

Today, we lay to rest a great man. A son, a brother, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a cousin, an uncle and a friend. He was so much to so many. Robert Lee Dehart was a great man. 

He never built  tall buildings or monuments, instead he built a foundation for his family of long-lasting, unconditional love. He never discovered a new world or a new drug or a new creature, however he discovered the good in almost everyone he met. He never became a millionaire, but he had wealth in love and in laughter. He never bestowed riches upon an institution, but he gave graciously from his heart to those in need. He never wrote literature or poetry that would carry on through the ages, but he wrote notes and letters to his sweetheart that she will keep dear to her heart always. 

His laugh was contagious. His smile was a mile wide. His heart was overflowing with love for us all. His life here on earth was brief, but he will live in our memories forever. 

His death was sudden and unexpected. It was a shock to us all. He will be missed greatly. 

He was a great man. 

Much love and many memories,
~ME:)

(For the Obituary, click <here>)

Dancing in the Kitchen

Photo by Joann Comeens

I ask if there is anything I can do. I really mean it, too. Of course, I have been sitting here doing nothing for ten minutes. She calls me hon and reminds me she does this every day. She tells me I’m fine just where I sit. Her sweet smile tells me she really means it, too.

So, I watch and sip my coffee. Good, strong coffee, too. Not that fancy coffee from the corner place. But then, here, there is no corner place. Small-town Alabama doesn’t have corner places.

She checks the bacon. It’s cooking on one of those indoor grills that boxer guy sells on television late at night. I wonder if she saw it when she couldn’t sleep or if someone else saw it and gave it to her for her birthday, or Christmas. Probably Mother’s Day. The bacon’s fine.

She moves across the floor. A measuring cup pours flour into a mixing bowl. A bit of milk, a pinch of salt (or maybe it’s a dash). Baking powder – the one with the girl on the can, I’m almost certain. Now, with the bowl in the crook of her left arm, and a fork in her right hand, she stirs vigorously until there is dough – sticky, but not wet. Her small hand spreads enough flour on the counter to keep the dough from sticking and begins to knead. A small, round cutter forms biscuits that go straight onto a baking sheet and right into the oven. 

Back to check the bacon. A few flips of the wrist and all the strips are sizzling on the flip side.

I like my eggs fried, over-medium, so that’s what I tell her when she asks. A small skillet. A little shortening. Not oil – actual shortening. She says she’s not sure how the eggs will turn out, but she’ll try. I know they’ll be wonderful, and I tell her so.

Grits are a southern staple. My mouth is watering already. She measures water into the pan and adds the ground corn. The water boils, the ground corn becomes soft. She adds butter and salt. I wonder if it really can get much better than this.

The bacon is done. She moves it onto a plate near the stove to keep it warm while the eggs cook. She makes fried eggs, over-medium, for each of us girls. He likes his scrambled. He eats them the same way every day. I tell her she should have told me he was having scrambled and I would have had the same. I don’t want to put you out. She smiles and says if she didn’t want to know how I like my eggs, she wouldn’t have asked. She eats hers hard boiled. 

She spoons the grits into a bowl that goes directly into the center of the table next to the bacon. She sets each plate with eggs in front of each of us. Jelly – apple, strawberry, peach, plum – all homemade, all stored in the jelly cabinet, for the biscuits. Oh, the biscuits. Hot, soft, delicate. She asks if we need anything – more coffee? Juice? Milk? I’m not a milk drinker, but I do take more coffee.

She moves to the table and finally joins us. She passes the biscuits. There is grace in those biscuits – her warm hug, her easy laugh, her gentle way – all right there on the table to share with us. As I fill my plate, I know, yes, I am just fine where I sit. It’s the finest seat in the house. Front row, center. I am in the audience for one of the most beautiful dances I’ve ever seen. I almost weep. I don’t know if I will ever again see a dance so breathtaking.

Much love and lots of biscuits,
~ME:)

Build me Up Buttercup

Over the past little while, I've been privileged to hang out with some really incredible women. Amazing women. Unbelievable women. I don't mean women I'm fond of, or women I enjoy hanging out with. I'm talking about seriously fantastic women. They are each the kind of woman that I strive to be.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to BE these women. Oh, bless their hearts, they have their own struggles and issues and inconsistencies. We all have our own, and I'll take mine over theirs any day. That's not what I mean at all. What I know about each of these women is that each of them has the ability to make me feel great about myself, and THAT is what it's all about. They don't just make me feel special, they make the other women in their lives feel great about themselves, as well. I want to be the kind of daughter, sister, mother, friend, colleague and associate that makes people feel better about themselves.

Now, when I get together with these ladies, we don't just sit around talking about how pretty and smart and clever we are. (Well, except for my sister and me. We do that - but only because our Daddy told us we are the prettiest and smartest girls he's ever seen. And, if our Daddy said it, it must be true.) No, it's more than that, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it is exactly.

I wasn't sure exactly how to determine what it is, so I Googled "how to make others feel better about themselves," just to see if anything stuck out. I came across this list from Happiness Weekly. Turns out, it's a pretty good list, although, for the women I know, I'd rearrange it a little and put Smile at People, Show Genuine Interest and Encourage People When You Can as the top three. And, in that order. These ladies are nearly always smiling, even plenty of times when things are necessarily going their way. They do show an interest in what others are doing. And, they encourage everyone in their lives to do great things.

That list still doesn't really pinpoint what it is that's so great about these ladies. But, I think I've finally figured it out. These ladies rarely say anything negative about anyone else. That's what makes me feel special around them. They are spending their time, thoughts and emotions looking for the good in most people. They aren't trash talking, or putting down, or gossiping about other people they know. And that makes me feel comfortable knowing that they're not saying negative things about me to others. If they're telling me how great their other friends are, and I'm in the same friend category, then I must be great, too!

Unfortunately, I've spent some time with a few people whose main topic of conversation has been the bad parts of other people's lives. In some instances, I've heard terrible stories about people I don't even know! I don't really understand why some people feel the need to tell me about strangers' shortcomings. 

Now, I don't choose to hang out on a regular basis with people who behave this way, so they're clearly not close friends. So, for a while, I thought remaining silent through the conversation would be the way to go. Then, I tried to steer the conversation back to something positive. You know, ask them to tell me more about themselves (most everyone likes to talk about themselves!). But nope, still kept going back to Derogatory City. 

Eventually, I found the opportunity to remove myself from the conversation, but I was left with a bad feeling in my soul. I believe remaining silent was not the right thing to do. I feel like I should have stood up for those poor souls whose dirty laundry was being flown around like kites. And, I suspect I will from now on. 

None of us are perfect, and we all have bad days, and we're all sometimes treated terribly by others. So we'll all slip up and let Negative Nelly take over our thoughts and our tongues. Hopefully, those times are few and far between. I hope you have a group of ladies who can make you feel as extraordinary as my group of ladies makes me feel. And, I really, most importantly, hope that I make YOU feel exceptional, too.

Much love,
~ME:)

Kindness matters

At the beginning of this year, I was thinking about random acts of kindness, and I decided to make an effort to be kinder and more thoughtful.  I know, you're all saying, "but you are kind and thoughtful, ME."  Well, what I really am is polite.  I try to use my manners.  That's easy.  Being kind takes a greater effort than just being polite.  Not much greater, sometimes, but still a greater effort.  I will hold the door for the elderly person behind me at the gas station, because it is polite.  It is kind to hold the door and smile.  It is thoughtful to hold the door, smile and offer to pump their gas.  See, that's where it all breaks down for me...thoughtful.  

I am now on a mission to become more thoughtful.  This is no easy task.  I just don't think far enough ahead sometimes.  And, that's where it starts - thinking ahead.  How does one become more thoughtful when one doesn't think ahead?  

My plan is to remind myself to look for ways to help someone or to make someone smile.  I've even made a list of the things I have already done this year and I will continue to add to the list.  My goal is to do at least one "Act of Kindess" each week.  Now, this is not a medium for me to go telling all the good things about me and all the good things I do.  Instead, it is a way to make myself accountable for my efforts.  Accountable to you?  Maybe.  But at least accountable in that, periodically, I will update you all on some of the things that I have done where I've actually been able to see some feedback.  

The first thing, and the one that I have found to be the most fun for me (yeah, I know it's not really about me...but I like fun, okay...) is that I have started writing jokes on our checkstubs at work when I'm paying the bills.  I can imagine at American Express or the electric company or the water company, that someone is opening the mail, getting ready to apply the payment to our account, and getting a little random giggle in the middle of their day.  It makes me smile to think of the person on the other end laughing at a joke like, "How do you make a tissue dance? ~ put a little boogie in it!"  (Did you just giggle?  I hope so.)  How do I have some feedback on this one?  The Wills Point Chamber of Commerce retold my joke on Facebook - and credited me!  They thought it was a pleasant surprise and even touted my customer service skills.  

So, for almost eight weeks, I have done at least one Act of Kindness.  Has this made me more thoughtful?  I think so.  I told one of those jokes to someone on the phone the other day who sounded like she might be having a bad day.  She laughed.  I smiled.  

I'll update y'all later.  Don't be surprised to find a joke from me in your mailbox.  

Ephesians 4:32

Much love and much kindness to you,
~ME:)

What "Acts of Kindness" have you committed lately?